The Fretful Mother's Blog

I imagine the thought of your head being severed from your body isn’t one of your favorites. In fact, I bet most people try not to think about what that would be like. I am not one of those people. I’ve thought about it, probably too often. My conclusion is that I wouldn’t like it. So I try to avoid situations in which it could happen.
Let’s take yesterday, for instance. We had our first snow day of the year (surely thanks to my dress-wearing on the previous day). I bundled the kids and myself up (with the exception of an undergarment in case anyone caught my Facebook status yesterday). We decided we’d play laser tag and sled down the hill in our backyard. For some reason, I thought it might be a good idea to hop on the sled with my daughter. It was not a good idea. Though I felt like a child again for a few seconds as the wind whipped through my hair, my freedom from fear soon turned into outright screaming.
“To the right, no, to the left!” I yelled at my daughter as she steered the out-of-control, plastic sled version of a Chevy Corvair. My life flashed before my eyes as we headed straight for the neighbor’s trampoline. It was at the perfect height to hit me right at the neckline. I envisioned my body continuing on the sled while my head remained behind at the foot of the hill. There would be a lot of blood. And not only would I die, my kids would see it. The trauma would cause millions of years of therapy and billions of dollars. My life insurance is only worth a year’s salary.
I am hoping they’ll let me bump it up. I’m going to avoid telling them about my dangerous lifestyle involving death-threatening stunts in the backyard. Hopefully I’ll get the proper coverage for a mother of two disturbed children. You can never be too safe.

This entry was posted on January 8, 2010 at 4:08 pm and is filed under Fear of the Day. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.