The Fretful Mother's Blog

The most common complaint you’ll hear from a woman about toilet seats is that men do not return them to their proper horizontal position. I can definitely see their point there; however, there are sometimes more pressing issues with the toilet seat. I have encountered two of them today.

I realized my first toilet seat issue upon entering my hotel room with a full bladder. I did the potty dance while removing my coat and two scarfs, unbuttoning my pants, etc. By the time I made it down to the bare bones, I pretty much only had time to throw myself on the toilet (you’ve all been there, so don’t pretend you haven’t). I was kind of surprised to land on an uneven surface. One cheek was on higher ground. It turns out it was like one of those public restroom toilets that doesn’t have the full-circle seat. It’s so not fun to urinate at an angle (that’s if you are a woman; I have no idea if that’s fun for men). Anyhow, I made it through that only to face another toilet issue later.

As you come to know me, you will notice that going out of town means drinking too much. I think it has something to do with my total abandon once I realize a cab will take me anywhere. A jumbo margarita later and I started thinking maybe I drank that a little too fast. A cab ride later and I started thinking my hotel room was too far away from the entrance to the hotel. This time I tried not to dance as I removed my coat and two scarfs and headed for the bathroom. Now maybe I have too much experience vomiting in the toilet, but I prefer either the toilet seat to be lifted to minimize the areas that will need to be cleaned up or the toilet seat to be down so I can drape myself over it in the throes of passion. Neither one was accomplished with the halfsie toilet seat situation.

I guess the lesson I can learn from this is that you never know what your toilet seat situation is going to be while traveling, so you better prepare for anything. Rule No. 1, wear a diaper. Rule No. 2, take anti-nausea meds before going out (you didn’t think I was going to say skip the drinks, did you?) You can never be too safe.

This entry was posted on March 4, 2010 at 9:15 pm and is filed under Fear of the Day. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.