I actually hate anything unexplained because I don’t know what caused it. And if you don’t know what caused something then you don’t know how to prevent it. For instance, why do I wake up every morning to find new bruises all over myself?
It used to be I’d find them on my legs, but lately they’ve been appearing on my arms. I am accident-prone, so I somewhat explained it by assuming I’d just bumped into things and later forgot about it. But I think I’d notice if I was banging my arms into things on a daily basis. It’s not like I’m an octopus. I only have two arms to keep track of.
One thought that crossed my mind was bed bugs. I considered that I might have some (apparently New Yorkers live with this problem from what I’ve heard) that wanted to suck my blood. And then the blood loss would cause extra bruising. First they preferred my legs, but later moved up to my arms. Pretty soon they’ll hit my face. I’ll need to figure out where to buy stage makeup when that day comes.
Another thought is that someone is drugging me and beating me in my sleep. The cats would be at the top of the suspect list there. I’m sure they have all sorts of unexpressed rage. After all, they are forced to look at birds and other captivating creatures from behind sheets of glass their whole lives. To be seen but never attacked. And who would they blame for this atrocity? Their caretaker. I bet they spike my nightly glass of water, chew gum until I’m passed out and then strike with a 2×4.
I think the real solution here is to start animal sacrifices. I’ll have to find birds, mice, fish, even a yappy dog or two, and unleash them in the house for the cats’ enjoyment. This should calm the cat’s rage. And I’ll just have to keep my fingers crossed that my vegetarian daughter doesn’t discover who is behind the recent wildlife carnage and decide to take matters into her own hands. You can never be too safe.
The Fretful Mother's Blog 
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