The Fretful Mother's Blog

Much to her dismay, a friend of mine recently discovered she had been followed by a private detective. She was understandably upset to have the details of her trips to the doctor, Taco Bell and someone by the name of Rick broadcast in court. She was literally followed every day for eight days, and a 45-page document was prepared with accounts of everything, including what time lights were turned on in the morning. You name it, it was in there. (more…)

Apparently the Midwest is not the only region going through a cold spell. It turns out temps are below freezing in Florida as well. This is causing an unusual problem: falling iguanas. They are freezing and then falling out of the trees. I’d probably die of a heart attack on the spot if I was just walking along and an iguana fell on my head. (more…)

Generally speaking, I’ve harbored fears of the traces of anthrax that could be found on my mail. Crackpots are always sending anthrax to government workers, and some of their hatred could seep out onto my mail. I think there was one postal worker who died of anthrax poisoning after handling the mail. I’m not even really sure what happens when you have anthrax poisoning, but I’m imagining it’s like the Ebola virus. (more…)

This is probably a common fear for young children and dogs. I remember my daughter being afraid of the car wash until the age of 3. She didn’t like the noise. I would have to explain about how the car needed a bath and then sing “Rub-a-Dub-Dub” until it was clean. Those were the days. Now I have concerns about the horrific damage a car wash could cause. (more…)

The other night I was talking on the phone while I was out walking. The temps were in the single digits, but I was powering through it. By the time I got off the phone, a layer of ice had formed on it from the condensation from my breath. That was a little disconcerting, until I noticed I couldn’t even feel my face. I reached up to feel it, and that’s when I noticed there was also a layer of ice on my chin. (more…)

I imagine the thought of your head being severed from your body isn’t one of your favorites. In fact, I bet most people try not to think about what that would be like. I am not one of those people. I’ve thought about it, probably too often. My conclusion is that I wouldn’t like it. So I try to avoid situations in which it could happen. (more…)

I’ve kind of been winding my way through the whole “talk” thing with my daughter. I throw out bits and pieces here and there rather than sitting down and laying the whole thing out for her. I like to think it’s easier for both of us that way. I mean, who wants their mother going on and on about sex for five hours? (more…)

Despite my love of snowstorms, I do recognize the inherent danger in them. You may be asking yourself how something so pretty and fluffy could cause any problems. Well, let me tell you. It can be a slippery sucker. Neither my car nor myself are the most graceful to begin with, and this just makes it all the worse. (more…)

I don’t hate resolutions because I can’t stick with them–I hate them because other people can’t stick with them. Every new year, millions of lazy people decide to turn their lives around and “exercise” more. Typically this involves signing up at the gym. New year’s is actually the only way gyms stay in business. (more…)

In addition to the drunken drivers, fear of stray bullets is another reason why New Year’s is not one of my favorite holidays. You would think fireworks would make enough of a bang to ring in 2010, but there are always those who need to take it one step further. I call these people idiots. (more…)