The Fretful Mother's Blog

I debated between this fear of the day and “two-drink maximum,” but really they are both the same thing. I’m having my work “holiday” party this afternoon, and it includes two drink tickets. Now, these people are in daily contact with the other people at my place of business and are well aware of the fact that two drink tickets will not be enough. Therefore, I’ve had to devise my own scheme. (more…)

In my new role as car mechanic, I now have to start thinking about all the wires that can get crossed under the hood. And when I say car mechanic, I mean someone who can change a lightbulb. Yes, it is true. I can now do that. It took a good 30 minutes, some pliers, a manual and a pair of gloves, but it happened. I have never been more proud of myself. I triumphed in the face of certain death. (more…)

Nice, gentle breezes can be relaxing, but that’s not what we have going on lately. Last night I woke up to what I thought was someone trying to bulldoze the house. I have no idea what the wind gusts are up to, but I’m guessing it’s around 200 mph. (more…)

Monday night is Mexican restaurant night for the kids and me. I’m interested in gorging myself on chips and salsa (while having to refrain from the delectable black margaritas), and the kids are interested in standing in line to request balloon animals and face painting. If I allowed myself to have the margaritas I’d probably be right in line with the kids. One of the many reasons why I must resist. Another one is the stares of the other, and surely better, mothers as I am forced to walk home in a drunken stupor with two kids in tow. But at least my kids would look festive with their Power Ranger and rainbow faces. (more…)

I don’t know about you, but I do not like to confound my doctor. I do not like to present with something that causes her to pause and say “hmmm. very interesting.” I don’t want to have anything that is “interesting” to a doctor. And I especially don’t want anything that requires collaboration with another doctor. So when she says let’s bring in Dr. Danco, I’m thinking that I’ve finally done it. I’ve known it all along. I’m going to have a disease named after me. (more…)

This is a totally separate fear than the one of hot tubs. This is more a fear of being too relaxed, as I was last night. After a long, hard day of shopping, eating and movie-watching, I needed a break. I poured myself a glass of wine, lit a candle and decided to unwind in a steaming hot tub of saltwater. I closed my eyes and thought about how nice it was to just be. Then I smelled something funny. (more…)

I’m good with words, not so good with the numbers. It doesn’t matter how important the numbers are, I cannot be trusted to handle them. I remember being assigned my first locker and thinking I don’t know why they are even bothering. I will never be able to use it, as it involves numbers. This is a daily problem. As you may have noticed, we all use math every day. (more…)

Sorry to keep harping on my trip, but it really brought a lot of things to light for me. I should probably be more in the dark, but once Pandora’s box has been opened it’s hard to close it. Anyway, I’m now familiar with border control procedures and know to have my passport ready on the correct page, along with an “I’m not trying to smuggle anything into or out of your country, nor will I kill you” look on my face. (more…)

As much as I love me some hot tubs, I have to come to terms with the fact that they are unsanitary cesspools. The bubbly goodness merely hides the funk that lies beneath. Basically you have people sitting in their own filth along with the filth of tens, maybe hundreds, of other equally disgusting creatures. And you know that chlorine does nothing but try to convince your nose that it’s clean. (more…)

Let me state upfront that I’m not someone obsessed with dental hygiene. Of course I brush my teeth and all that, but I usually try to cram all my flossing into the week leading up to my visit to the dentist. But, as you probably have noticed, I like to be prepared for any calamity that could befall me. Therefore, I keep the not-often-used dental floss in my purse. Boy was I glad of my neurosis yesterday. (more…)