The Fretful Mother's Blog

The thing about bathrobes is that they are usually used to cover naked bodies. So when I see someone in a bathrobe, I instantly start praying that there are no wardrobe malfunctions that lead me to inadvertently viewing Uncle Marvin’s marbles. (more…)

Most people have had the experience where they purchase an item at the store, get all excited when it’s time to wear it, and then find out the security device is still attached in a noticeable spot. Then they have to trompe back to the store at a later date to have it removed, and all the fun is now gone. Walgreen’s was nice enough to save me all the trouble. They let me know there was a problem right away. (more…)

Yes, yes, I know the Ferris wheel was invented by George Ferris for some kind of world expo thing in 1893 and was later moved to St. Louis. I have a fifth-grader so I am informed of all sorts of things in which I really have no interest. However, when faced with an actual Ferris wheel this past weekend, all the knowledge rushed to the forefront of my mind. (more…)

This is not the part where I start talking about being terrified of ’80s rappers going on and on for like a mile a minute; this is the part where I’m terrified because I’ve been informed my son speaks a second language, and it’s not Spanish. It’s gibberish. (more…)

Here’s the good news: I know when I’m going to die (sometime within the next 18 months), and I know by what method (beheading). And the bad news is that I got a great deal on all of this. I saw this opportunity to raise money for the kids’ school, and I snatched it up. Five hundred dollars to arrange my own death? My heart said go ahead and make a bid on that. It’s a fabulous trip to Mexico. (more…)

Before I had an 8-year-old son of my own, I thought Pokémon was old school. I remember the little boys I babysat for in high school played it. The low-definition graphics and apparent stupidity of the whole thing led me to believe its popularity would not last long. But 20-something years later, here we are. (more…)

Fish in and of themselves aren’t terrifying unless one touches you whilst in the ocean (where you’d least expect it). But what’s scary about fish is that they aren’t the sturdiest of pets for children. I’ve just learned this the hard way and am in absolute panic about what’s ethical in this situation. (more…)

Instead of my children being recognized as biracially black and white, they are often mistaken for Latinos. I didn’t really think much of it until earlier this month when I decided to take them to Mexico. It turns out the Arizona border patrol is not the most welcoming group (surprise, surprise). (more…)

Ever since I had my daughter, I’ve been worried about puberty. I knew it wasn’t going to be fun, and I didn’t like the thought of her turning into a pseudo-adult. Among some of my attempts to thwart the onset of puberty are serving only organic milk and giving her three 3-year-old birthday parties. This has not worked. The worst has now happened. (more…)