The Fretful Mother's Blog

There are countries in Europe where everybody gets weeks and weeks and weeks of vacation.  And the people seem fine with that.  Perhaps there’s no words in the EU for “fraught” or “dangling-in-front-of-you-but-then-ready-to-be-snatched-away-just-when-you-get-your-hopes-up.” (If there is a word for that, it’s German). Read the rest of this entry »

I’ve been keeping the radio turned off lately. It seems like every time I turn it on, the music doesn’t fit my mood (which is probably a good thing from the station’s perspective), or evokes memories that I would rather not have evoked right now, thank you so much. There are whole jukeboxes out there, I am sure, populated entirely with songs on my “do not play” list. Read the rest of this entry »

While I try to never turn my back toward danger, there’s one notable exception: my office chair. It’s in my favorite color, and is, for the moment, functional. But I know that any of the 16 levers that are underneath could disable me faster than a caffeine-addicted Ninja. One lever will drop the chair to the floor, which is not only solid, but has carpeting. Another lever will send the chair flinging backward, like an angry dental hygienist. Yet other levers will tilt the chair to port or starboard. I fully expect that if I were to work up the courage to look at the levers, one would be labeled “eject” and another “frenzied bronco.” Read the rest of this entry »

Danger lurks everywhere in nature. Thankfully, some serious dangers this time of year come with bright red and yellow caution signs. I’m speaking, of course, about leaves. Whoever coined the phrase “gently falling leaves” was just asking for a walloping from above. Leaves drop without warning. Even the ones that aren’t carrying spiders can land on the back of your neck, just like rabid bats, tangling in your hair and making you leap around in terror. And what are you leaping around on? Still more leaves, wet and slippery ones. You could take a tumble, or step into a hole and break your ankle, or wake up yet more spiders with all your thrashing. Read the rest of this entry »

Am I the only one who, when getting ready for a trip, brings the suitcase up from the basement worrying that a colony of cockroaches or a tribe of glass snake lizards (a real thing) has been hibernating inside? Read the rest of this entry »

Growing up, I would get the greatest rush from flying in planes. My great-grandpa was a pilot and took me on my first flight when I was 6 months old. I even considered learning to fly myself at one point. That all changed on my honeymoon. We heard a clunk midflight, and the next thing you know, the pilot is announcing that we need to land in Albuquerque. I’ve never been so scared in my life. I’m sure those of you who have been to Albuquerque know what I’m talking about. Read the rest of this entry »

People are supposed to go to therapy when they have an addiction, but what if you have an addiction to therapy? The drug and the cure are the same thing. I think I might have whatever this is called (therapolism?). I’m totally stressing about it. I just realized I’ll be without therapy for 10 days. Read the rest of this entry »

Most times you can tell when fruit is fake. It’s got that shiny, waxy, plastic glow with the ridges along the seams. Real fruit doesn’t have seams, you reason with yourself; I should not eat this. But what happens when the fruit artist’s life’s work pays off and he or she creates the masterpiece that is the lifelike grape, apple or even tamarind? Read the rest of this entry »

Stop laughing. I’m serious. It might seem soft and clean and certainly warmer than a tile floor, but lurking in it are some of the most disgusting things. You’ve probably heard about them before and just chose to go on with your life. Read the rest of this entry »

When my daughter was about 2, my DH (which does not stand for dear husband) didn’t see anything wrong with letting her play with a sample of mouthwash we had received in the mail. When she came in to see me, her breath smelled of alcohol. I immediately rushed to question him about the possible causes of something that really shouldn’t be occuring for another 19 years. Read the rest of this entry »