The Fretful Mother's Blog

I don’t want Bambi or his mother to die, and I don’t know why they insist upon it. It’s like they say “hey, there’s a car, let me run in front of it, or even right into it.” The mating season causes them to lose control in every way. But at some point you gotta wonder how bad some of these bucks must be that the does would rather die than sleep with them. Read the rest of this entry »

The kids and I went to visit my parents in Kansas City this weekend, and we headed to bed around 11:30 last night. I was dreaming about my pregnant friend running over one of her 8th-grade students (typical dream for me) when I awoke to the creaking of a door about 4 a.m. Most people might assume someone who rightfully belonged in the house was moving about, but not me. Read the rest of this entry »

My 7-year-old son started his basketball season this week. I was hoping that a second season meant he and his comrades would now be seasoned players. That is not what it means. Read the rest of this entry »

I really don’t even understand the purpose of the sidewalk grates. Why can’t it just be a regular sidewalk with a little drain or something? And no one seems to know what’s actually “down there.” I’m imagining alligators and underground albino creatures. Read the rest of this entry »

I’ve seen what goes on in the women’s restrooms, and I don’t even want to think about the opposite sex. I know we complain to men about their target issues, but you should see the seats in our bathrooms. We don’t like to sit directly on the toilet, but squating gives us about a two-foot radius. It’s not pretty. Read the rest of this entry »

During my daily workout (fine, if you want the truth, it’s weekly), I was plodding away on the treadmill when I started feeling not so good. I noticed my heart rate was registering 50 beats above my norm, so I cut back on the speed and it went back down. I cranked it back up after awhile only to have my heart start racing again. I had visions of myself passing out on the machine in the middle of the Y. My head would be caught on the conveyor belt and my face would be rubbed off. Read the rest of this entry »

Do you sometimes worry about all four tires on your car simultaneously popping off while driving down the highway? And then your vehicle careens down the road with sparks flying until you hit a guardrail or other obstacle designed to stop you in such foreseeable situations? I’m pretty sure that’s what the highway planners were thinking when they installed them. Read the rest of this entry »

I think my first suspicion of the fig began when I realized Fig Newtons contained not chocolate, but fruit. Why would it parade around as a brown-colored dessert if it was not the delectable milky goodness of chocolate? That was my first clue that something was up. Read the rest of this entry »

Ladybugs have always been one of the few creatures in the insect world of which I’ve not been afraid. That has all changed. They have now invaded the sanctity of my home, the bathroom to be specific. For some reason they have chosen to have a family reunion on the window and mirror. Read the rest of this entry »

This is probably one of the most traditionally fearful days of the year, but for me it’s business as usual. We put off the pumpkin buying until the last minute and managed to get the last wart-free pumpkin available. I don’t even want to know what would come out of those warts (or maybe zits?) if we had to cut one open. Luckily I’m not facing that problem. My concern is running out of candy. Read the rest of this entry »