The Fretful Mother's Blog

In case anyone was expecting something in the mail, I just wanted to let you know that I’m not doing Christmas cards this year. I have no time to purchase the cards, address labels, and stamps, let alone sign my name. And a letter would be totally out of the question. Plus I doubt anyone wants any well-wishes from the queen of pessimism.
If I sent out cards, they would read something like this: I hope you didn’t get run over while retrieving this greeting from the mailbox. I hope you don’t get food-poisoning from all the happening holiday parties. I hope you don’t get too drunk and fall into the tub of egg nog and drown. I hope you don’t get a large papercut while wrapping presents and bleed to death. I hope you don’t mistake the mysterious brown package in the middle of the airport for a present and open it. And most of all, I hope you don’t get caught under the mistletoe with someone with an undiagnosed case of oral herpes.
Through my ability to predict the worst, I hope am able to save someone from at least one of these holiday maladies this year. You can never be too safe.

This entry was posted on December 13, 2009 at 2:08 pm and is filed under Fear of the Day. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.