The Fretful Mother's Blog

The thing about bathrobes is that they are usually used to cover naked bodies. So when I see someone in a bathrobe, I instantly start praying that there are no wardrobe malfunctions that lead me to inadvertently viewing Uncle Marvin’s marbles.

One doesn’t typically run into others on the street wearing bathrobes, but I do live in Missouri. Now that the weather is cooling down, I’ve started running a little later on the weekend mornings. This put me on a path around the neighborhood a little after 10 a.m. As I rounded a corner, I noticed a woman standing on her porch wearing a bathrobe. As part of my usual protocol, I prayed that she would hold the robe closed as she bent to retrieve her newspaper or whatever. I was totally unprepared for what happened next.

The woman opened her bathrobe with both arms and began shaking what her mother gave her. She danced to the beat of “Dynamite,” which I was listening to on my iPod at the time. I was initially kind of mesmerized, but was then kind of freaked out. It was reminiscent of my childhood neighbor “Barbara” who used to begin stripping as she walked down the street. Upon returning home, we’d progressively notice shoes, then socks, shirt, pants, etc., and we’d know Barbara was having an episode. She later ended up burning down her house, so things didn’t end well there. Anyway, I noticed current crazy neighbor’s attention was directed across the street from where she stood. I quickly surmised that this was a show for the mailman. He was doing a good job of walking to the next house without failing over. He did not miss a beat.

Based on his non-reaction, I’m guessing this must be a daily or weekly dance. So not only do I have to resume getting up early to run, I now have to know that every Saturday morning my mailman is getting an eyeful. I wonder if this is a popular route? The crazy woman didn’t appear to be attractive, but you never know with men.

Regardless, it seems that I’m the only sane one (or least crazy) around here. And that’s why I’m starting a petition to make bathrobes illegal. If she didn’t have a bathrobe, I’m pretty sure that woman would never bare herself to the world. Postal workers have enough to deal with as it is. If you care about your mailman, please sign the petition. You can never be too safe.

This entry was posted on October 15, 2011 at 1:06 pm and is filed under Fear of the Week. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.